One of Shrikeshire's most renowned curry chefs, makes a dish that not only causes her husband and son to collapse after agonising internal pains, but forces her sister into a coma. Shortly after she flees the scene and has not been seen or heard of for over three days.
Priyanka Singh is a name you have probably all heard of by now. At 23 she become Shrikeshire’s most famous Indian curry chef, and won a national prize and entry in the Guinness World Records, for the largest Chilli and Garlic Naan on record which stretched from the village of Belton Tidsea all the way down the coast to the town of Helstronwick. However a typical family Sunday dinner has turned into something of an Agatha Christie mystery after a chicken vindaloo caused intestines to collapse in on themselves. Just what was in the curry, and where did she run off afterwards?
Her son Asmin Singh was the first recipient of this dodgy meal to pass out cold after holding his stomach complaining of a twisting and squeezing that felt like someone had crushed his bowels like Thanos squeezing his gauntlet. He reminisces that the first thing he noticed was the nauseating taste.
“The flavour was like if you got the world’s strongest chillies, added the worlds second strongest chilli, and the third strongest, and then mixed it in a festival chemical toilet with all the bleaches”, claimed disgruntled family member Amir. He went to say he has had nothing but constant runny latrine visits with a backside so sore it causes extreme wiping agony.
His father Ishan was the second family member to pass out whilst eating it, and still looked worse for wear when being interviewed 3 days later. He does not speak much English and profusely apologised, however he was able to nail several words on the head.
“What a terrible terrible curry this one. It’s truly terrible. Beyond truly terrible. My wife number one Indian chef in Shrikeshire, but I never experience anything like this. Beyond merely truly terrible.”
Ishan had to run to the bathroom three times during our interview, and wipe the sweat off his forehead constantly. He is bewildered and left wondering why his wife ran off shortly after the incident.
The third victim, was none other than Nandita Kapoor, sister to the chef, who’s intestines are currently going through somersaults on a hospital bed. It’s not clear yet whether she will need surgery after her collapse from abdominal pain caused an emergency call to the ambulance services. Seconds before passing out, it was noted she had eyes popping out of their sockets like Gowron from Star Trek.
UPDATE: Since hearing of this article Priyanka Singh got in touch via email but declined any offers to meet face to face. One of her emails read: “My husband is a hairy backed lying cheat, and my sister is a dirty knickered whorebag. As for my son, collateral damage. He was in on the secret, is young and his bowels will eventually be normal again. Karma is a bitch!”
