Shrikeshire Mayor Graham Parsnip Successfully Fought Prosecution With A Landmark Win Against Sexist Discrimination In Which The Prosecuting Feminist Organisation Was Forced to Publically Apologise.
It was a dream come true, and modestly “all part of the job”, when Local Mayor Graham Parsnip was asked to give a motivational speech to a weekly Feminist group gathering in Fibley Marsh recently. He came out with such gems and crowd pleasers such as “Surround yourself with people who celebrate your successes, and lift you up during your falls” and “There is no greater failure than giving up on your dreams!”. However, one remark seriously rattled his audience of 25 women, when he passively quipped “I must also say that you have some of the finest arses I’ve seen in one room!”
After an outburst from the floor following his remarks, Mayor Parsnip quipped “Easy there Snowflake!” causing an exasperated wince and several gasps. It wasn’t until the next day when several members of the ladies social group decided to confront him in the street, that he was aware of the impact of his final comments. Refusing to accept that he said anything wrong, spokesperson for the group Mildred Magnuson said “We will see you in court.” That day came.
Graham Parsnip was tried after being charged for Inappropriate Sexist Remarks in a Public Setting. After a 12 hour court case, Judge Lindsay Harris gave the Jury’s unanimous verdict: that Mayor Parsnip was not guilty of any sexism, and was in fact complimenting these ladies on their physical fitness and desirability – a kindness that the area could do more with. Furthermore, Fibley Marsh’s Feminist Women’s Group was forced to issue a public apology for the negative impact the case had on the political infrastructure of the area.
At a press conference where The Shrikeshire Times was present, The Mayor waited for an official apology and seemed jovial. He sported what can only be described as a shit-eating grin, and appeared to relish the awkward apology from Feminist champion Rosie Merryweather, who gave the most uncomfortable handshake after handing him a framed portrait of former American President Donald Trump.
Mayor Parsnip said that no gifts were necessary, but “Let this be a lesson to everyone out there, that even the kindest most flattering words can be twisted into something they are not by Vile Feminists. The best thing you can do about cancel culture is Vote Parsnip for Mayor again in the 2023 Local Elections!”
