Local Fumbleton Man Who Denied Peeing In The Family Swimming Pool For A Decade Exposed As Compulsive Liar After Consuming Large Amounts of his Daughter's Pickled Beetroot
Tim Harrison the Self Employed Plumber from Fumbleton in Shrikeshire is a bullshitter. This first line of the article was requested by his wife and three daughters. They wanted his name location and occupation in print as part of their retribution for lying to them for over ten years about his toxic swimming pool habits. Habits that brought the family to tears and caused explosive outbursts.
You see Tim has a weak bladder, and when he feels water around his lower regions, it inspires a desperation burn which makes him want to tinkle. However, instead of leaving the family swimming pool like most normal folks, Tim decides to be lazy and let it out. Worse than that he has blamed all three of his children and his wife for it for over ten years.
“Tim had this bullshit act every time he was asked if he had pissed in the pool, when a warm wave was felt by us, or noticing a bit of yellow cloud.” Explains his wife Kathy Harrison who continues “He would immediately go into a strop, and put on one of those little boy sulks after he denied it profusely! He would yell ‘Don’t you dare ever accuse me of doing something I haven’t done’ snapping hard at us”.
His 19 year old daughter Tiffany Harrison told us on an exclusive phone call, “Even worse he would shout at us as kids and make us cry, saying how bang out of order it was for a child to accuse an adult of lying and doing something a 5 year old boy would!”
His wife picked up again that “we knew to even ask if it was him would start world war three. He made us all feel very guilty and even threw crockery and smashed drinking glasses on more than one occasion.”
Aimee Harrison, a 15 year old Angorstock High pupil decided to break out her homemade beetroot on the hottest day of the season so far this March. She put some in roast beef sandwiches and served to the family. “Dad loved it so much he asked for a small bowl of it to snack on after lunch.” Later that afternoon the family decided to break out the pool for their first swim of the year. That’s when Tim gave the game away, and ten years of secrets and fake tantrums were exposed.
“It looked like Jaws had bitten Timothy in between his legs. There was a very worrying red cloud coming from him.” The second he realised what it was, he tried to push the reddish pink coloured cloud under the water with both hands, but it was too late.
His youngest, 12 year old Hannah Harrison, taunted with a rhyme of “Who peed in the pool, who peed in the pool? You did Daddy, you did Daddy, you peed in the pool!”
Kathy his very angry wife finishes with “Ten years of bullshit. Now it makes me question every time he has sworn to me on his grandmother’s grave that everything has been lies. Some might think it’s funny, but it does make you question trust now and if was ever real. Now he can have his name in print and in the papers and feel the humiliation. Revenge is a dish best served with pickled beetroot!”
In the interests of balance and not taking sides we approached Angorstock’s biggest bullshitter Tim Harrison seperately about this story. He started with “I do not have a weak bladder. Frequent urination is good to expell toxins from the kidneys.” He had already closed himself in the bathroom whilst he was shouting this.
“Second there are real crimes being committed out there, why aren’t you investigating those? Why try and humiliate me in print? Can’t you keep this anonymous at least, I will pay you a few hundred quid to keep my name out of this!”
So there you are folks. Money is the beetroot of all evil. Our reporter Franny Piddleton was doing a little dance, and a lovely scissor kick in the air walking away from him high fiving his wife.
