Unpopular Proposals from Shrikeshire Council Have Led To Outrage and Protests Among the Residents Of Angorstock, with One Senior Citizen Flashing, and Another Group Policing The Beach for Nudists in Baywatch Outfits
The residents of Shrikeshire, joined in collective outrage at startling Council proposals leaked in documents recently involving a proposed Nudist Beach in Angorstock. Claiming this growing niche will be great for tourism, the proposals are a way for them to cash in on a growing fetish of naturism mostly popular with older folks parading their wobbly bits all over. However, the local community has rallied together with extraordinary measures to ensure this never happens.
Various signs like the one above have been going up around the beach, and on posters and leaflets circulating around Angorstock and surrounding areas. One local, however, believes signs are not enough and has decided that inappropriate measures, need an inappropriate response to get the message across that Shrikeshire will not stand for this. Peter Falkner retired Angorstock fisherman believed he had the answer inside of his raincoat and decided to expose his message quite literally.
“The problem is gratuitous unnecessary nudity, so I am showing them what they are getting, and doing my solemn duty as a responsible citizen by opening my raincoat and demonstrating the dangers first hand.” Which was Falkner’s clever way of saying he is flashing his niknak around the area, offending eyes, whilst spouting “Say No To Nudity!”
One group that were affected by this unique form of protest was Margaret Abimbola and her friends, who were out for a walk when Falkner flashed his tiny banana and shrivelled plums.
As a respected member of the local community and former journalist, Abimbola appeared on National and International News speaking on the horrendous nature of adults exposing themselves, and became a staunch advocate for the termination of the Council Proposals.
“If the sight of just one naked man can make my heart want to jump in an early grave, then a beach full of them makes my skin crawl. I demand the Shrikeshire Council cancel it’s plans immediately. I’m already seeing the old gentleman with the offensive tackle in court, so I have zero problem taking the entire council on legally as well.”
Mrs Abimbola and her friends spoke at lengths about their shocking encounter, and have garnered more than 10,000 signatures against the council plans in an online petition that has been signed by such high profile celebrities as Matt Hancock, Hale and Pace, and Wagner from the X-Factor.
Despite facing serious legal charges, Falkner persists that the ends justify the means. “I will fight tooth nail and other parts of my body to ensure the area is safe and that this vile disgusting nudist beach never becomes a reality. The encounter with Margaret Abimbola and her friends proved a tipping point in national media coverage, so being attacked by four ladies with handbags is a small price to pay.”
Other surprising measures include the “Seniors For Leaner Years” social group creating their own version of Baywatch for Angorstock! Their oath is parading up and down the beaches, looking for any nudists or any visitors with funny ideas about removing unnecessary parts of their clothing.
Following tremendous negative media coverage, it was down to Shrikeshire’s Mayor today Monday the 27th March to give a public statement about the Council’s intentions. Before his announcement Graham Parsnip was rumoured to have been a little shaken by spending all night in a police cell, for allegations he is unable to comment on due to an ongoing investigation.
“The Council pleads an immediate call for calm on the subject of the leaked proposals. We are committed to ensure that Shrikeshire remains safe and clean, and any changes will be properly policed and enforced with maximum safety and privacy measures. Please stop flashing people in the street and trying to take the law into your own hands.”
Parsnip was immediately heckled by someone in the crowd “What you going to do send a policeman over in a wheelbarrow with his patrol poodle?”
Another heckle chimed in soon after with “Nah, he’s too busy banging prostitutes to make that phone call!”
The unanimous decision here is very clear: Shrikeshire says no to the new nudist beach.
The people have spoke and exposed.
