Reliable sources within the Council have recently leaked worrying documents that show that the community of Shrikeshire is funding lavish partying, and questionable adult fun for our trusted representatives amidst controversy in which the emergency services are experiencing drastic budget cuts
The Shrikeshire Times was able to get hold of some leaked confidential financial accounts and documents, from the East Parish of Shrikeshire Council’s Accounting Department in Rimmingham. Not only did it demonstrate questionable expenses and charges that your local elect representatives and political authorities are spending, it showed them to be partying all night, and charging the rest of Shrikeshire for it.
Our source, that will go unnamed, recovered the documents from a laptop that was left unattended at the Council’s main offices, and was also able to access a range of personal and private photographs which show said respected figures in senior positions, partying their hearts out, giving money to pole dancers at strip clubs, proliferating casinos and arranging extra-marital swinging sessions.
The accountant in question has covered each expense with a default “Money allocated to Provisional Discussions” under the transaction type, inferring that it was spent on vital talks to improve the area.
“Basically it’s gone on hookers, sex, drink and drugs”, our insider says bluntly. The Shrikeshire Times wishes to point out that at this particular juncture in time, this is alleged and speculative based on the validity of the evidence, and the forthcoming investigation by DCI Martin Hobbs.
This comes as a third scandal this month involving Mayor Graham Parsnip, who was acquited of being toxic to feminists, and made drastic budget cuts to the police force. When approached for comment about the allegations he replied “It would not be appropriate at this time to say anything during an ongoing investigation.”
We replied “but will the investigation prove that you were spending tax payers money irresponsibly whilst cutting budgets in vital sectors?” He replied “No, categorically no.”
To infer that Mayor Parnsip has high profile connections and previously paid his way out of trouble, would be beneath the Shrikeshire Times and not even something we would put out there for debate bluntly, subtley, or in a cleverly worded way which sounded like misdirection of any possible commitment to speculation.
The man in the photos seen with women other than his wife, certainly appears to be dressed like and bares a striking resemblance to the Mayor. When he was asked if he could confirm he was the man in the photos, he laughed and said “Someone is very clever at photoshop, bravo but you’re not fooling anyone! I was not, did not, and will not participate in any sexual activities other than with my own wife in the privacy of my own bedroom.”
For someone who wasn’t going to say anything, Parsnip sure does run off at the mouth, unaware that the photos were recovered from the laptop at Council Headquarters.
“Digging holes deeper”, is what our source says. “He has the whole Council office running around for him, covering his messes, lying for him, and lining his pocket with indulgences the community is paying for out of our own hard earned taxes!”
The Shrikeshire Road Inn, former pub, now known in local slang as “The Halfway House Brothel” has been rumoured to be hosting after-hours illegal lock ins and parties, with exotic ladies who accept kind donations to their own purses in exchange for pleasures. It’s bizarre that another man resembling Parsnip and 3 county parish Council members, were seen pictured there, drinking, dancing with the ladies, and not going home until 5am in the morning.
Another anonymous source not related to the Council was there last Sunday and claims that a very senior politician was seen with a dancing girls panties around his head, and boasted he could open beer bottles with a hole at the back of his legs. This is a cleaned up version of the quote from our source, which can not be written word for word in this publication.
Update: Having read our article we have it on good authority that DCI Martin Hobbs sent the police around to arrest a certain nameless individual high in the Shrikeshire ranks. Stay tuned for how this all turns out.
