Local Entrepreneur Makes First Million In Profit Selling Bathroom Arse Sponges
A Shrikeshire lady decided to proliferate her online shop with a variety of novelty sponges which she collectively termed “Bathroom Bum Sponges”, and became a millionaire within 6 months. We met with Gransted based entrepreneur Rita Barrowclough to find out more about her empire of arse cleaning products, and how such a simple idea changed her life forever.
“I just found a manufacturer of sponges cheap to import from China, sowed the word ‘BUM’ into them, and sold them as ‘Bathroom Bum Sponges’. It’s amazing how many people want their bare bottom hygiene to be tip top, and appreciate something that soaks washes, and pampers all the way around the inner angles. We even have speciality sponges such as the Sensitive Sponge for Bum Grapes, and we do his and hers matching, or his and his, or hers and hers, or they and theirs. As more pronouns come out we will make more profit from these niches too.”
Sales proliferated when she put an advert on social media saying “Has your Bathroom Sponge Changed Colour?”, the idea being that people need a singular sponge especially for their bare bottom. “It’s really shocking that traditionally folks use the same sponge for their face that they use for the inside of their arse. I’m not even going to go into bacteria, but I was certainly riding on the bandwagon of common sense prevailing in personal sanitising, and it did! I made £100,000 within 6 months from a dozen adverts, another 6 months I’d made £900K. Rectum washing proved big business.”
Traction became momentum and soon Barrowclough was getting orders from all around the world, and already reworked a few dozen variations of the original bum sponge. Celebrities, politicians, and even Malteser factory workers were seen using them. Reviews from her website average at 4.8 stars out of 5 with over 450,000 separate comments. Here are just a few of the raves: “No need to stuff it in thick, wet it, soap it, apply then rinse very easily. My bum has never felt better.”
“My anus is always at optimal freshness thanks to the Bathroom Bum Sponge.”
“Genius idea. Fresh reality. And this is coming from a full-time farter!”
“I carry one in my purse, great for doing the bits pits and tits, on the fly in the sink!”
“A year ago if you’d have said a Bathroom Bum Sponge would change my life, I wouldn’t believe you. It not only changed my life but changed my wife. I can stand to be with her any time she parts her legs open.”
The Shrikeshire times was given four sponges for each of our staff members, Franny Piddleton was the first to try hers and she merely gave a thumbs up for this article. But we wanted to hear from someone in person outside of the office.
One anonymous purchaser who refused to identify his gender or line of work because of his political connections and resemblance to Mayor Graham Parsnip, said “These sponges are extremely important for anus hygiene. No more sweaty bum crack scents sat in the office chair all summer. A quick round the house use and precision soaping in the morning, and your bottom is as fresh as rose petals, no more wifty arse stench. The bathroom bum sponge is a game changer!”
We asked Rita given her success won’t everyday Supermarkets and Sponge manufacturers just emulate it, she retorted “They are welcome to try, I’ve already made my millions and I’m a trusted brand. They’re literally too late, as I’ve carved the biggest niche out of this market already and profited. I have further ideas that will knock the bum sponge out the water.”
Since our conversation with her, Barrowclough has emailed saying she could be appearing on This Morning and would love nothing more than Philip Schofield to personally try out her bum sponge. “He could be brand ambassador for bum sponges, I mean look what he did for the Craft Gin Club. I’m thinking of the Crafty Bum Sponge Club myself.”
The Shrikeshire Times wonders what’s next out of her production line? The fanny flannel? The testicle towel? Or maybe the lollypop loofah? Rita Barrowclough has literally been sitting on a fortune and is a genius. Do you have a bum sponge story you would like to share?
