After A Night Of Drunken Shenanigans Belton Tidsea's Bell Ringer Decides to Break In The Church And Let Loose A Night Of Audible Hell On The Ears Of Shrikeshire Residents
Damien Harrison Belton Tidsea’s revered church Bell Ringer, thought he would let loose on the bells at 3 O’Clock Easter Sunday morning, after a night on the whisky. One hour previous he was part of a pub lock in and was belting out Pepsi and Shirley songs devoting them to one of the local bar maids.
An eye witness said of him, “He was absolutely blottoed and boasting about the Church Bells having more of a beat and bang to them than the pubs subwoofers! Everyone was laughing, nobody thought he would actually go to the church and start ringing the bells at an ungodly hour.”
The Mippet family were not impressed, living opposite the church and being awoken at the early hours of Easter Sunday, George Mippet claims “It was like something out of a horror movie, screeching church bells banging with no rhyme or rhythm, like a madman on the drums who couldn’t stop hitting them. On top of this was this out of tone rock star type screaming. It was freaky, terrifying and disturbed the family sleep. We all felt sleep deprived the next day.”
“It gave my sister Carol who was staying over the runs,” responds Margaret Mippet, “She has wobbly movements as it is, but she was petrified of some sort of second coming of the anti-Christ and it set off her irritable bowel. Then some street cats starting howling with that haunting cat cowl, it really was something from Friday the 13th.”
Harrison, who’s been fondly compared to Jack Black, often has that menacing School Of Rock beady eyes when he gets an idea into his head, and sees it out to it’s full fruition. “He’s so easily led, if someone dares him to do something, he does it!” Says his grandma Eileen nodding her head in shame. “He’s always been easy to influence, so you can bet someone put that idea into his head.”
Harrison was severely hungover when we interviewed him on Monday morning and had this to say, “I’m sorry, I’m very sorry. I knew the second I woke up what I’d done, and I had a banging head, the bells were still ringing in my ears. To Belton Tidsea and Reverend Sundry…” At this point Harrison ran to the bushes in his back garden, and it wasn’t pleasant seeing him yacking his guts up over some daffodils.
One person who didn’t find this a laughing matter is The Reverend Peter Sundry. He runs his church like clockwork, and expects the highest discipline and performance from all contributors. “I’m appalled embarrassed and kerfuffled, that Mr Harrison should have chosen this as his drunken pursuit! He quite clearly abused his position and privilege serving the church and community, disturbing sleep and tarnishing the reputation that I hold so dear to me. I mean, I can’t even look at the man right now. I’m beyond offended.”
It was three days later on Thursday April the 13th we were able to finally convince the Reverend to have a face to face with Harrison, with us present as mediators.
“Do you know the shame you have brought upon yourself and the village? Do you realise that although God forgives people have a very long memory here?”
Harrison kept apologising profusely! The Reverend eventually came up with the following: Harrison will be taking care of all the Church Grounds Maintenance and garden duties for the foreseeable future and after 6 months, build trust back into his bell ringing duties. But for now, The Reverend Sundry himself will be doing them by hand, and changing the locks on all church entrances.
“I’ll clean anything but dog muck”, were the first words from Harrison. He was quickly countered with a firm, “You’ll clean dog muck, cat muck and bird droppings and you’ll make it look like it was never there!” from Reverend Sundry. He nodded with resistance, and the punishment and redemption was set.
Have you been affected by the haunting bells screaming and cat noises on Easter Sunday morning? Get in touch.
