Calding finished the hearing with “This is the most disturbing case I’ve seen of someone acting stark raving bonkers, with no rhyme or reason. Your fixation with animal shite is a worry in itself, but your obsession with placing it in this specific shop and causing a health and safety hazard is abhorrent. Four years locked in a cell is being kind. May god have mercy on your soul!” 

Rimmingham Co-Op was very satisfied with the verdict, but sent a worrying e-mail about a possible copycat scat shopper who emptied their chemical toilet adjacent the dry-roasted peanuts. As ever The Shrikeshire Times will keep you up to date. Just remember ladies and gentleman, shit happens.