Our Glorious Editor Gary Whipton
I’m Gary Whipton, fulltime mother of 3, and part-time belly fluff collector. Or am I?
It was at the tender age of 22, that I realised my passion wasn’t there for anything at all. I am also proud to be Editor of The Shrikeshire Times, after being told at school repeatedly that I have terrible grammar and rarely ever finish a
I also repeat myself quite often. I also repeat myself quite often. I also repeat myself quite often.
It was in the 1970’s that I decided beards are my ticket to not being called Baby Faced Whipton any more. I grew the biggest longest bushiest patch. So I thought, why not do that on my face too?
You can often find me reviewing lipstick for pets, pickling whelks, and getting tattoos on my big bum of Linda Lusardi.
I am proud to be the face of the Online Edition, of the Best and Foremost, and Only Publication, in the East Parish of Shrikeshire. May god have mercy on us all.
Here I am receiving an outstanding achievement award for Journalism at the 2020 Shrikeshire Reporters Annual Convention, and again in January 2023 receiving a certificate of Reporting Excellence from Belton Tidsea’s Infant and Junior School, as voted by 4 and a half to 6 year olds.
FRANNY PIDDLETON - ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER
Franny Piddleton started her long career as a drive-time reporter for Radio Kristabelle, and was a regular news correspondent on the Bob Staunton show. Her legendary interview with Dick Van Dyke in which she called him Penis Car Lesbian has been banned from youtube since 1973.
She has always been old, or so she says (note the first photo of her is from 1952).
Her passions and interests include listening to the wireless and making prank phone calls pretending to be from the Inland Revenue to scare her friends and family.
As a freelance Entertainment news reporter, Franny says she doesn’t really enjoy anything at all about working for The Shrikeshire Times, other than to see her bare faced lies in print.
Franny has a clean record, and was only arrested once. She proudly claims that the charges of assault and battery were never proven, and she had the perfect alibi being home all evening listening to Shakin Stevens.
A clear warning to all is that Franny really enjoys champagne and getting drunk and likes to get naked after half a bottle, no matter where she is. It’s always a good idea to hide it from her and make sure it’s out of reach.
SIDNEY ROY CROUCH - CRIME AND LEGAL NEWS REPORTER
Sidney Roy Crouch is the longest serving Journalist at The Shrikeshire Times. He was working on the paper version long before the internet was invented, writing everything in biro, and distributing as part of his paper round when he was as young as 8.
At the tender age of 14 Roy was the first boy to go through private education and win over 150 conker fights in a row. It earned him the nickname Killer Crouchy.
When asked for his secret about life, he says persistency, and never let them ever catch you cracking one off in the bogs at work.
Sidney is also a part time erotic novel writer, and hopes his fiction gets as popular as the 50 shades series. His current entry into the world of BSDM fiction “Cucumbers and Chainsaws” is currently number 3 at the Shrikeshire Central Library most requested books. Both library copies however, were taken and never to be seen from again.
THE TEAM - VERA LLEWELLYN-BONE - REPORTER
Vera Llewellyn Bone is famous around the world for consuming the most pickled eggs ever in one hour, without wincing or suffering an ounce of indigestion. Back then she was known as Vera Rimmer, and we are proud to have her in our arsenal. That was not a typo.
She was once voted Shrikeshire’s most glamorous news Reporter 3 years running, and then a 5th win two years later after stealing back the title from Sidney Roy Crouch.
Vera firmly believes that success is like rowing. Except there are no oars, no boats, and no water.
One time she got so drunk with colleague Franny Piddleton, that she ended up invading an awards ceremony uninvited (pictured below) ! It was here she gave a speech to reporters on the red carpet about why winter willys look like snails poked in the eyes that retract back into their shells!
About The Shrikeshire Times
The Shrikeshire Times, is satirical nonsense about fictional people in fictional places, to add a bit of spice and laughter in people’s lives. We are tired of typical journalistic doom and gloom and scare mongering, and wish to re-dress the balance with a bit of harmless spoofing.
We believe we’ve made it obvious that everything reported here is complete and utter fiction. If you find it amusing, it’s done it’s job. If you don’t that’s fine. You must however be curious in us to read this section, thank you for your interest.
If you find humour in anything we write, or want to play a prank, please share to social media and post the link to friends, and click on some of our sponsored links to support this website.
Most of our images were created by AI using Canva by Magic Studio Apps (https://www.canva.com/)!
But you’re just like The Onion, News Thump aren’t you? People have been spoofing newspapers long before those wonderful internet sites came along. The internet is fair game. We don’t steal from other sites, nor do we read them, so anything similar is purely creative coincidence. The humour and writing style is original to our author Sir Gary of Whipton, and it all comes from his imagination and creativity. Nobody else has a Gary Whipton
